


and this song is for you

by nonamebut



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fictional Ex, Future Fic, Gen, Moving On, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23183320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonamebut/pseuds/nonamebut
Summary: Now playing: Bye My First...
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck & Lee Jeno & Mark Lee & Na Jaemin & Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31
Collections: dream jukebox fest: round one





	and this song is for you

**Author's Note:**

> For #21: Hard Feelings/Loveless

Jisung turns off the light, carves a place in his bed out of rough blankets and stuffy pillows. Outside, he’s sure—the first snow falls silently.

He takes out his phone and reinvents the worst kind of time travel.

The little ritual begins with the most innocent of things: a simple browse through KaTalk, Messenger, Bubble. Quick cursory glances at the mentions of all the public NCT accounts he’s handling.

There’s a lot of kind, warm messages for him. Like stuff from his family wishing him a merry Christmas, or barrages of congratulations from fans excited over his recent come back news.

Naturally, Jisung never lingers on _those_ messages for too long, his personality making it impossible for the compliments to sink in.

If he simply put down his phone right then and there, it would have been fine. But he keeps scrolling anyway, and somewhere out there in the vast stretch of space time, an alternate timeline breaks off and falls like the bad film from Jaemin’s many expensive cameras.

It plays in the imaginary movie house Jisung opens up in the dust of his memories. And the story always goes a little something like this:

  
  
  


“Jisungie! You didn’t tell me your boy was going to the military.”

Chenle’s voice rings. It sounds throughout the room, clear and cutting.

Just like the special alarm Jisung had set for his ex boyfriend—the very same chiming sound he _still_ has saved on his phone for his ex boyfriend.

“I didn’t.” Jisung hates how his voice bends, cracks. “He didn’t tell me, either.”

“Oh… I see.”

Jisung shifts awkwardly, jostling his week old pillow fort. He looks up from his bowl of half eaten ice cream and hopes his hair doesn’t look as grimy as it feels.

Chenle just smiles, reaches for Jisung’s hands as he always does, and there is no pity. Just for a moment, Jisung forgets how pathetic being dumped over text is.

“We still have a little bit of free time! Let’s go out and do something. I bet the manager hyungs wouldn’t mind it if we went out for a quick lunch.”

  
  
  


Every Wednesday Renjun plays a really obnoxious breakup song on his radio show.

Jisung doesn’t have the heart to ask why. (Renjun would probably give him the look, anyway.)

Instead he resorts to spending the rest of his Wednesday evenings moping over another weekly nonanniversary of his first love gone wrong.

Of course, not that the fans or even anyone outside their little group, really, would know about it. And the song isn’t always explicitly a breakup song, but more like a cute funny inside joke. It’s the kind of abstract avant-garde humor that only the first generation Dreamies would vibe with.

Today, Renjun pointedly plays a song from the most popular album of Jisung’s ex-boyfriend’s group. (Wow, now that’s a mouthful.)

Which would have been, like, dude. What the fuck?

Except it’s the live concert version. All the group’s members _except for him_ sing on the track since he had bowed out of their entire world tour.

Because of his quote, dating scandal, end quote.

Jisung snorts. _The audacity, Huang._

“Sometimes it’s hard to accept,” DJ Renjun says, taking the basic ass lyrics and somehow coming up with a profound monologue anyway, “or even remember, but I know that each of us has someone out there that loves us. Maybe it’s not in the way you’re expecting, but I know that in my heart, you are an important part of someone else’s world.”

  
  
  


“You should be my date to my movie premiere!”

Jisung scoffs. Glares at the coffee he got after much pestering from Jaemin. “I’d really rather not. People would talk too much and it would be so annoying.”

“You’re such a _kid_.” Even through the loud crackle of the phone, he still hears the trademarked click of Jaemin’s tongue. “Who cares if people try to ship us? In fact, I would argue that it’s kind of flattering that…”

Jisung usually does tune Jaemin out at this point, but—but, and this is strange, but there’s that song again. Renjun’s song, playing overhead as Jisung ducks out of the coffee shop before anyone else can recognize him.

In a completely metaphorical sense, the song plays on.

But now, the lyrics sound less trite. Now, the words go something along the lines of, well.

The thing is—the thing is that Jisung loves Jaemin. And no, not in the way you’re thinking.

But he loves Jaemin, more than anyone will ever know. Because Jaemin never forgets to cheer him on and smile at him and just be his greatest cheerleader.

He stares at the coffee, at the loving scrawl of the characters Na Jaemin that mark the side of his warm cup. “You’re right, hyung.”

Jaemin gasps and it makes Jisung snort, feeling laughter bubbling up his throat in a way it hasn’t in a long, long time. “I owe you big time for all of the times you treated me, anyway.”

  
  
  


It’s always easiest with Jeno. He somehow, kind of, understands him best. Knows him in all the ways no one else can.

(No, gross. Not in the way you’re thinking of.)

“I’m so honored,” says Jeno, placing a hand on his chest. “Of all the people you could have asked, you wanted me to help you choreograph for your big solo come back…!”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Don’t overdo it, hyung.”

Through the practice room mirror, they smile at each other.

When they’re just about to finish their quick stretching warm-up, Jeno speaks up again. “You know, I was really surprised when I first listened to your new music.” His eyes crinkle reassuringly. “You’ve changed, and I mean this in a good way. I like this Jisung a lot.”

“... It’s a bit cathartic, finally letting myself write about what I want to.”

The conversation ends there because Jisung’s new song starts playing. And Jisung never realized this before, but fuck, it really does sound different.

Jeno claps his hands. “Alright, enough talk!”

But instead of falling into the routine, Jeno suddenly starts shaking his ass, looking like a fool as he morphs his face into the dumbest expressions.

It’s all Jisung can do not to gape at his hyung.

“Hey, that’s not in the choreo!”

But Jisung is laughing anyway.

“It’s freestyle, baby!”

  
  
  


“Woah, show me the window!”

Mark sighs, the wistful sound amplified by Jisung’s blue tooth speakers. “You guys really outdid yourselves this Christmas.”

By you guys, Mark really just means Chenrensung, since they’re the only ones left in the dorm. But the way he says it makes Jisung remember the good old times, back when they were all wild-eyed and frantic.

They still are in some ways—wild. Renjun still makes a competition out of decorating the dorm during holidays and Chenle’s laugh never fails to echo into the next room at least once a day.

“Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to talk about.” Mark makes a quick, blurry finger gun. “Your lyrics, Jisung! I have so much to say!”

“Aaah!” Jisung does that thing where you cover your face but end up peeking through the V of your fingers anyway. “All good things, I hope?”

“Are you kidding me?”

There’s an awful, awful pause. Mark laughs and briefly switches to English. “Yes, you dummy!”

Jisung takes the phone from its place on the kitchen counter, just so that he could properly attack Mark with a good view of his most pitiful pout. “Your humor is as weird as always, hyung.”

“ _But for real though_. Of course there’s always room for improvement—” (“—there it is!”) “—but I like how your words have matured so much. It feels like, like every syllable is uttered with such purpose. And with such care.”

“Wow.” Jisung blinks rapidly. He felt it in every syllable, huh. “Hyung, that’s—”

  
  
  


Jisung sits on the farthest side of the counter while Donghyuck does his magic. (He’ll never admit it, but sometimes he prefers Donghyuck’s meals more than Jaemin’s.)

“Just be you, Sungie.” Donghyuck stops, turns to him and smiles softly. “They’ll love you, it’s hard not to. They’ll eat up everything you say.”

Promoting on variety shows shouldn’t be such an emotionally draining production. It’s not Jisung’s first rodeo. But it is his first time after his very public breakup, so.

“Come on.” He can hear the eye roll in Donghyuck’s voice. “You’ll be great, I promise you. Everyone’s on your side!”

To be fair, the general public latching onto him and not _him_ is mostly a byproduct of—

“And don’t try thinking up any dumb excuses!” Donghyuck sticks his foot out, finally catching Jisung’s eye with at least some part of his body. “People just love you because you’re cute and sweet and loveable. It’s illegal not to, we will all quite literally die if we even consider thinking anything negative about you.”

Donghyuck makes a show of swooning when Jisung can’t reign in his expression anymore. (So dramatic, and what _for_ , hyung?) “There it is! Look at that smile. That’s my baby!”

“... now, now that’s out of the way! We have to talk about how you’re going to present yourself… We gotta go _all out_ , you have to work with me here...”

  
  
  


Let’s go back. Back to when Jisung takes out his phone and scrolls through his feed. Reinvents time travel.

He doesn’t click on that link to that so-called news portal. At least, not right away. He reads the preview on Twitter carefully, tries to make sure he hadn’t mistaken the name of his ex. His ex who has supposedly started being active on SNS again.

His thumb falters. Because it _is_ him. There’s the account. His account. How come he’s been actively posting?

Ah. Jisung really did forget between all the schedules and, just, living. But all these poorly made articles being spammed on Jisung’s stan account timeline spell it out loud and clear: he came back from service the other day.

The bad film breaks off again, but Jisung refuses to gather it, to rewind. To go back and press play and relive it all over again.

Sometimes routines are meant to be broken.

Instead, he opens up Melon and makes a playlist of a bunch of obnoxious breakup songs. He takes a screenshot and throws a filter on it just to be dramatic.

Maybe the fans would recognize the tracks. Maybe they would connect the dots. But, really, Jisung doesn’t care anymore. (Or, more like—Jisung no longer minds.)

Because at the end of the day he only really intends to fuck with just one person’s head.

 _What’s this?_ He types in careful English. _This is my favorite mixtape._


End file.
